Toy4x4 List tests sports cars for Dateline

Numerous persons have reported that sports cars are dangerous, unsafe, and poorly engineered, so an investigative team from the Toyota 4x4 Mailing List was sent to validate their claims and report back to Dateline. Tested sports cars include Chevrolet Corvette, Mazda Miata, and Acura NSX, which seemed to be representative of all sports cars currently on the market (they are all more-or-less the same).

The Toyota 4x4 Mailing List Investigative Team (T4MLIT) took these vehicles out for a day to some of the roads they usually drive, and have made the following observations:

• All vehicles exhibited a severe lack of articulation on rocky and rutted terrain (average RTI: 14). This apparent engineering error greatly contributed to numerous 3-point situations, necessitating increased throttle usage to get through certain obstacles. This increased throttle usage put driver and vehicle at great risk in off-camber situations, resulting in a roll-over of the Miata. The Miata's windshield and frame collapsed under the weight of the vehicle (the only convertible-top vehicle in the group), and it was only luck that the test driver did not suffer serious injuries. Although the driver of the Miata had only put 12 miles on the odometer, he maintained that his unfamiliarity with the vehicle's handling had nothing to do with the obvious design flaw.
• All vehicles also exhibited a striking lack of ground clearance. This fact was painfully obvious when we took the NSX through a small creek, only to have the undercarriage hang up on a small rock. The resulting water cascading in through the drivers' window was slightly disconcerting to the driver, who was used to driving his taller Toyota 4Runner. The end result was that the ECU shorted out and died, but not before water was sucked in through the unusually low-mounted air intake. Our test drivers found it amazing that any vehicle manufacturer would build a vehicle with such limited ground clearance, then expect anyone to drive it on a back-road.
• The vehicles were not equipped with the proper equipment for the terrain. This test involved a high-speed run on a twisting logging road, including some muddy patches. As the Corvette was the only vehicle to escape unscathed thus far (save for some minimal body pinstriping and undercarriage scrapes), we were only able to test it, and not the others. It was decided that this would not abnormally skew the test results, as this vehicle was similar in design to the other now-disabled test vehicles, and would in all likelihood produce identical test results. We found that the V8-equipped Corvette, with it's wide Z-rated mall-terrain tires, tended to fishtail wildly in corners with just a minimal application of throttle. In addition, those tires were absolutely useless in any kind of mud, and would not self-clean no matter how much spinning they underwent. This appeared to be due to the lack of voids between the lugs; we think that perhaps a narrower all-season tire may be a more appropriate venue. Finally, when we aired the tires down, the 45-series tires did not have enough sidewall bulge to protect the 17-inch aluminum rims.
• As the Corvette was still running, we decided to subject it to a crash test with a SUV. Our testers used a 1997 4Runner with an ARB front bumper, 3" lift, and 33" tires, and attempted to engage the Corvette in a head-on collision. The 4Runner ended up driving over the hood of the Corvette, crushing in the Corvette's windshield with it's front tires. We propose that manufacturers who build such low-slung, aerodynamically-shaped vehicles should incorporate a frame-mounted 6-point cage to protect the occupants in the event of a front-end collision with a SUV. Still, others have proposed that instead of manufacturing passenger cars to tougher crash standards, SUVs and other vehicles should instead be manufactured to the lower crash tolerances of passenger cars! The T4MLIT thinks that all vehicles, including sports cars, semi-tractor units, and buses, should be built to SUV standards, to keep everything fair. But I digress.

This brings us to the obvious conclusion that no sports cars should be driven on rocky or rutted terrain, or they will suffer damage or even a life-threatening roll-over. And when driven on the street, they have a tendancy to severely injure their occupants when involved in an accident with a well-built vehicle. To paraphrase the great Ralph Nader, all sports cars are unsafe at any speed.

Note: The T4MLIT has submitted a warning-label design proposal to the sports car manufacturers to warn new drivers of the potential hazards: